The match: Red card

The match: Red card   The pain scoresfrom the halfof the field.Goal. Nausea.Night. Vomiting.I wish to bewhere it is notin the morning.4 hours halftimeon the goal alone.Empty defense.Autopilot.Again fall.Without playersexchange. All alone. Defense outsideAttack insideThe same being Penalty kicksstraight intomy ruptured cyst.Knockout, fall downswearing loudlyRed card.Disqualificaiton it is. Defense outsideAttack insideThe same being New hours. […]

I am not here

I am not here   When the pain is inI am not hereI am trying to beas far from my bodyas possiblebut that’s not possiblebecause all thoughtssummon inone particular pointlower left parta knotIt erasesmy inside beingWith severe brutal impulsessayingwho is the bossYou can’t overcome iteasilyyou have to tame itlike a hungrywild animalwith shutting yourselfof that […]

First menarche – bugaboo under the bed

First menarche – bugaboo under the bed   Today when I am becoming a womanthe crucial momentthat boundary when you realizethat your bodyif you are a biological jinxwill cause you pain. Bingo!I became a womanat 11 years oldthe thinnest in classbut with sporty musculaturebeside me one girlwhich looked like thatso the future guysbut still boyspaid […]

The choreography of pain: Ballet

The choreography of pain: Ballet   Imagined circlesaround the black spotpossible torsionof the ovarymaybe it’s not happeningbut that is the feelingwhich causesa strong earthquakein all of my senses.Light is suddenlycutting insideof my eye sockets.Musical rhythmimpaling painfullythe basses in the centerof the circle of the acheThe skin is enormoussupersentsitive organescaping from the touchlike a palateis running […]

Catwalk

Catwalk   Try walking in my shoes, and my shoes are painful. This is not a catwalk, I repeat This is not a catwalk There is nothing shiny glamorous about the pain. I don’t want to wear it today, but I can’t take it off. I have to wait to be bare naked off the […]

Atlas of the anatomy of the pain

Atlas of the anatomy of the pain   The body is a map of the painwhole atlas of continentsmacro description of shadespart by part like you are describingislands inside youBermuda triangles in which you looseyourself, the hours, the boundaries, and the pain thresholdslike you forgetthe routes paths by which that pain are moving inside of […]

An avalanche

An avalanche   When I thinkit’s the peakof the mountainof the pain,it’s just started.I am a Sisyphusextreme ski sportsmantrying to avoid obstacles,running away fromthe avalanche,just to be draggedagain there on the top.I am not on thetop of the worldI am at the bottomof myself diving for breath.Between thesetwo poles,it’s the equilibrium.  

Analgethic

Analgethic   Sometimes rhyme flowslike hours you don’t want to stop.Today eternity is every minute,pain is liquid, fulfilling the reason.You are searching for the words in the base,but the search is just returning the blank.Spasam is a hardcore beat, isolating the left side of me.You want the flow, but silence is just a deep void.Beside […]

Red dress

Red dress   Instead of makeupI am wearing pain.Maybe I am born with itjust because I am a woman.Although pain makes me bare nakedI won’t wear Chanel 5 to cover it.This is not haute couturethe pain is an ordinary dress.Too tight, because you wear itfrom my teenage years.Until now. You want to overgrow it.But the […]

Woman artist from Southeast Europe

Literature Manual for Unlearning (collection) Woman artist from Southeast Europe   The first working day on an artist in residenceI am photographing some small Belgian townand its weird narrow housesTypical, similar, and identicalThe car stops on the street beside meFrom it comes out one bold guyObviously goes to a gym a lotin black short sleeve […]